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I wrote this poem a number of years ago (maybe 5 years ago) and I sometimes post it as a status update. My daughter is no longer a toddler but the rest holds true. ~ Tami Grosset

I look normal.

I sit in my chair and chat.
I giggle and gossip just like I’ve always done.

I look normal.

I hold my daughter’s hand as we walk down the street.
I wave to my neighbours brightly saying hello.

I look normal.

I push the cart around the grocery store.
I pick out my family’s favourite goodies and pay at the cash, just like anyone else.

I look normal.

But look a little closer and
You will see that
As I chitter chat I keep my head straight
And stop it from inclining towards you which would send my mind in a
Spinning spitter spatter.
As I giggle and gossip I grip the arms of my chair tightly
Because I’m afraid I might tip off.

You will see that

As I walk down the street I hold my daughter away from me so her tiny toddler legs don’t trip me up
And I hold out my spare hand as if I am walking along a trampoline
Rather than the solid cement surface of the sidewalk.

You will see that

As I reach each aisle in the store I stop
And breathe
And check my list again
As I try to reach through the fog to find the memory of what I’m cooking this week and which cereal my kids like the best.
And as I find my purse to pay I fumble and drop my card on the floor.
Every single time.

I look normal

But I’m not.
Look a little closer

And you’ll see.

Tami Grosset, MdDS Warrior
Age at onset: 31
I was living in England at the time (2002?) but now live in Canada.

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